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LaSalle's River Adventure
(Unofficial)
Six Flags Over Texas
Mid 1970s |
Good day my friends, I would like to welcome you aboard our little
French Riverboat the [Nadine, Elizabeth (Belle), Juliet, Annabelle,
Henrietta, Suzanne, Marguerite, Maria, Isabelle, Paulette, Georgette]
I am your captain and as we pull away from the dock, I would like to
remind you to keep your arms and legs inside the boat at all times, for
if you leave them out for just a 'little too long', ....they may come
back a 'little too short'.
Leaving the Dock |
Boat pulls away from dock and starts around a corner |
For we will be traveling down the dangerous Lavaca river which in
1861, our leader, Cavalier De LaSalle sailed looking for an alternate
route to the Mississippi River. But he has was never been heard from
since.
So that we don't meet up with his same fate, I have sent ahead a
French Riverboat captain and two river scouts, Jacques and Pierre, there
camp should be just around this bend,
but wait� /excited voice/.... oh no� it looks as
though the Indians have attacked the camp.
Campsite |
a campsite; fires burning from the battle;
dead Indian figures laying on the ground;
dead riverboat pilot lying on a sea chest with an arrow in his
back |
There is our river boat captain, lying on his chest. That's him in
the arrow shirt. It looks as though he got the point of the Indian
message.
But I don't see our river scouts, Jacques or Pierre, anywhere about,
perhaps they escaped with their lives and we can find them as we
continue our journey down the river. I certainly hope so, because we
will be lost without them.
Over to my left is a pack of hungry timber wolfs and it looks like
they had someone over for dinner. I don't think that they will be
bothering us.
Timber wolfs |
Pack of wolfs sitting around a pile of bones. |
Over to my right is a more friendly scene. Some friendly Tejas
Indians are helping the Friar build the
Mission San Francisco de los Tejas.
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Spanish Mission |
Partial log mission, Indians carrying logs
Friar looking at scroll and nodding up and down. |
You know, though, they have been building that Mission for 17 years
and they still aren't through. Maybe they should just rename
it....'Mission Impossible.'
But wait, /quietly/ up ahead is a Spanish Fort. And as you all know,
Spain and France have been at war for ten long years over this little
piece of land known as Texas. Perhaps if we are very quiet, we can sneak
by. But wait, they have spotted us.
Spanish Fort |
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Spanish Officer raises up in the fort watch tower
and drops his sword signaling the cannons to fire.
Each of three cannons begin to fire, three times each.] |
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- // As the cannons fire�
Oh no. I near miss to the front and another to the side. We will have
to abandoned ship, Women and Children first, AFTER THE CAPTAIN OF
COURSE. But wait, they have stopped. It appears as though the Spanish
can't even hit the broad side of a little French River boat and we can
continue on our journey in safety.
But don't look to my right. There's Jacques and Pierre, our two
French River Scouts, hanging from that tree.
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Jacques and Pierre
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Two French river scout type figures
are hanging by their necks from a tree branch. |
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Oh well:
- It looks like they are at the 'ends of their ropes'.
- Oh Jacque and Pierre, they always were the 'swingers of the
swamps'.
- There they are, just 'hanging around'.
- It seems that they found the last 'stretch of the river.'
I guess we will just have to travel on without them, but wait, look
up in that tree, it is the Famous French Fur Trapper, Francis. I'll just
ask him if it is safe to go on.
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Fur Trapper |
French fur trapper sitting high in a tree, shaking his
head. |
-
- // Yell out of the boat.
-
- Francis, is it safe to go on?
Look, as you can clearly see, he is shaking his head back and forth,
which in French means � 'no.' We could turn around, but I don't think
we would get past that Spanish Fort again, so we will have to continue
onward.
You can also see Francis shaking his leg back and forth. After 17
years in that tree, I think that is French for... 'I need to go to the
restroom.'
But wait, did you hear something ahead?
- //popping sound
Cross Fire |
Indians on inside of river shooting at Frenchman hiding behind
wine barrels on the outside of the river. Wine is leaking out of
barrels shot in the fire fight. |
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Oh no, we are caught in a cross fire between these Indians on this
side and our own Frenchman on the other. Everyone down to the bottom of
the boat, for it would be quite a shame to be shot by one of our own
country men.
I think that we made it safely by.
But look what the Indians have done to those barrels of wine. Once
King Louie finds out what is happening to the wine that he is shipping
to Texas, he will start sending Milk instead.
We have now entered the most dangerous part of the river, the
'uncharted territories'. As you can see, everywhere are dangerous
alligators, just waiting to make a meal of us. Why I have been told that
there was once an English Teacher that stuck her hand outside of the
boat right here,
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// pointing to alligators open mouth....
and now, she is teaching 'shorthand.' |
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Oh no, everyone down, that's a Caddo war party and those arrows are
poisoned tipped, one scratch would mean instance death. That was very
close, luckily they have decided not to fire.
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War Canoe |
war canoe appears and moves behind the bushes |
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Pop-Up Bear |
beside the boar on the other side, a bear pops up and
growls |
Don't worry, that just a bear fishing for his dinner in the river.
Over here is a Caddo Indian burial pier, the Indians buried their
dead six feet above the ground in the hopes that that would give them a
head start to the happy hunting grounds above.
Here a momma bear and her cubs are stealing some honey from those
bees. And boy are those bees mad. Then again, I bet you would be pretty
mad if you came home one night and found out that some animals was �
trying to steal 'your honey.'
Over here is an Indian village and the Medicine man is trying to ward
off the evil sprits.
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Indian Village |
|
Hay ya, Hay ya, Hay ya
Indian Medicine man dancing around pot on the fire
Indian women cleaning clothes in the river |
But wait, //excited// if you look carefully, you will see that all of
the warriors are gone from the village. And when all of the Indian
warriors are gone from an Indian village, it can only mean one thing,
.....'they are somewhere else.' Lets hope that we don't find out
where.
Wait, everyone quite, there's a cougar looking for his dinner, one
wrong move and we will be it.
Quite everyone, � careful,
Careful,
The Cougar |
- cougar is on a branch hanging out over
the river next to the boat, slowly the
boat passes the cougar by.
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- // Very loud scream:
on no, look out.
// calmer // - I thought he had that little fat man at
the back of the boat.
Bear fighting Timber wolfs |
- Large bear waving off five timber wolfs.
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Here to my right a bear is fight off a pack of hungry
timber wolfs. And as you can clearly see, he is fighting them... 'bear
handed'. I bet that he will... 'barely' escape from that situation. I
just can't ...'bear' to watch.
Look though, there are only five wolfs in that pack. If
there had been one more, that poor bear would have been up against 'a
six-pack'.
Oh no, everyone to the side of the boat, as you can see
on my right, there's a river whirlpool dragging that poor soul to a
watery grave.
The Whirlpool |
hand sticking up from the water
holding a stick going
around (causing?) in a whirlpool |
There is one thing that I can say about him however, he
sure knows his way 'around' this swamp�
....and around� and around�w
Over here is a more friendly scene, a group of beavers
are hard at work building a dam. But wait a minute, look out,
Beavers |
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Beavers standing in clearing near small
tree
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- //excited// that tree is going to fall,
T I M --- B E R.
- a long but very thin tree crashes into
the river just beside the boat.
Why, I do believe if that tree had been just a little
bit longer, this boat would have been ....just a little 'bit shorter'.
'Leave it to Beaver' to pull a stunt like that.
It seems that one have come to a fork in the river and I
don't know which way to go. I guess we should try this way.
But look out, everyone down. We are surrounded by Caddo
Warriors. I guess we should have gone the other way.
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War Party |
Indians on both sides of the River
threaten the boat with spears and arrows. |
Everyone smile and perhaps they will think we are
friendly. It looked like it worked, they are letting us pass,
but, oh no, here is why. We are heading for a waterfall
and a solid rock wall behind it. The river is much to narrow to turn
around here and we can't go back past those warriors. I guess this is
the end of our journey
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The Waterfall |
ahead is a Water fall and behind it is a solid rock wall. |
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- // The captain stops the boat.
But wait, the wall is opening.
- // Boat starts back up.
We must have discovered a secret Indian treasure cave,
for the Indians were known to hide their treasure in caves such as this.
The Cave |
treasure chest with dead skeletons. (as opposed
to live skeletons?)
looks more like a pirate cave than an Indian cave. |
Look out,
// skeleton swings out from the dark.
It looks like that pour sucker has been on 'a crash
diet'.
There is the treasure, it looks like many that have
tried to take it have paid with their lives.
Oh no, the walls behind us are closing, we are trapped
inside.
- // boat moving very slowly.
But wait, the walls in front are opening, the Indians
are repaying us with our lives for not disturbing their treasure.
And look, there is the flag of France, viva La France,
we have made it back to Fort St. Louis and safety.
Back to Dock |
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- Back where we started
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As the boat approaches the dock, I would like to remind
you to keep your arms and legs inside the boat and please remain seated
until the boat comes to a complete stop.
I hope you enjoy your day here at fun filled Six Flags
Over Texas.
Crew claps and cheers and goes wild. |
End of Spiel
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Unloading Spiel: // in sort of a
rambling manner.
Please watch you head as your heading out, and watch
your step as your stepping out, but most importantly of all, watch out
for my poor aching feet.
You see I have been standing on them all day long, and
so have about a hundred other people. The difference is, I like to stand
on the bottoms, and they like to stand on the tops.
Why just this morning a spaceship full of half-crazed
Martians landed at the front gate, got out of their ship, checked their
brains in at the public lockers and came down here just to step on my
feet.
Enjoy your stay here at Six Flags Over Texas and
remember that there is only [insert exact count] shopping days left
until Christmas.
I few notes about this Spiel are in
order:
- This is not an "official spiel".
- This is similar to what was actually said during the 1974-77
seasons.
- Each "River rat" spieled differently from the others and
even an individual's own spiel could vary between trips. Each
captain had alternate remarks for
the various animations and added comments if the boat was running
slow.
- The spiel also changed over time, especially since the animations
were occasionally changed.
- Around 1975, one boat was renamed the "Belle" in honor of Alan
Bell, a supervisor at the time, which was interesting, as one of La
Salle's boats was actually named the Belle.
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